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How can I avoid the emotional pitfalls of present-day dating practice?

by Rabbi Baruch Emanuel Erdstein

  

Library » Life Cycle » Marriage » Courting | Subscribe | What is RSS?

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Present-day dating practices are characterized by a lack of focus. Often settling for "a good time" (even one that may be drawn out over a number of years), modern dating is usually short-sighted, failing to provide the basic context for long-term growth in a relationship. By recognizing the awesome potential of a relationship with a possible soul-mate, involving life-long commitment and the sharing of the joys and challenges of raising a family, one can cut through the illusions of short-term desires and expectations characteristic of modern dating.

one can circumvent the primary pitfalls associated with today's dating scene, reserving the heights of romance for a rich meaningful spiritual context
Like any organic growth process, great care must be taken to properly nurture a meaningful relationship. By avoiding physical intimacy, a couple is granted a profoundly deeper understanding of their ability to grow in a true and thriving life-long relationship. By maintaining a modest and centered approach (including avoiding unproductive relationships), one can circumvent the primary pitfalls associated with today's dating scene, reserving the heights of romance for a rich meaningful spiritual context.

When less emphasis is placed upon external appearances and fleeting desires, greater attention can be directed toward the inner dimension of personal chemistry, paving the way for a profound life-long love relationship.

In addition, traditionally, Jewish couples always had a trusted third party (sometimes a "shadchan", or "matchmaker") who could clarify expectations, convey messages in a modest manner, and generally facilitate communication. While the idea of a matchmaker may seem a bit alienating to many, finding a mutually agreed-upon friend or adviser (or even rabbi!) to fulfill this role can sometimes determine the success or failure of a budding relationship.


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