Askmoses-A Jews Resource
Is it preferable to marry a virgin?
Browse our archives

The Scholar is ready to answer your question. Click the button below to chat now.

Scholar Online:

Type in your question here:

Click the button below to either CHAT LIVE with an AskMoses Scholar now - or - leave a message if no Scholar is currently online.


I am not attracted to Jewish women. What should I do?


Library » Intimacy » Marriage | Subscribe | What is RSS?


Rabbi Shlomo Chein: Welcome. I'll be with you in a moment...what's on your mind?

too_busy: i am not attracted to jewish women what should i do

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: slow down :-)

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: let's understand what you are saying...

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: you are a Jewish man?

too_busy: yes i am

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: born to a Jewish mother?

too_busy: both parents ar jewish

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: ok, and you have a hard time finding a Jewish girl for you?

too_busy: yes

too_busy: my city has jewish singles meetings but i never find any of them attractive

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: how old are you?

too_busy: 26

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: how old are the people who generally go to those single meetings?

too_busy: 20-35

too_busy: a couple of jewsish friends have tried to set me up..but i just dont find them attractive

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: have you told your friends what you are looking for?

too_busy: yes

too_busy: the city i live in doesnt have an enormous jewish population to choose from

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: perhaps you need to move to a city that DOES have a larger Jewish population.... I mean people move to go to school or to get better work - how much more so must one move in order to find the right Soul Mate!!!

too_busy: i have pretty set in a job right now..i own my own business, leaving now isnt really an option

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: 1) it is your choice - if you REALLY want to find the right girl, you will leave for a little bit. 2) It is a matter of priorities: what is more important to you, a girl or a job. 3) If you own your own business you are in control and can take a few days off if you want

too_busy: i dont think that few days off would be enough to meet someone

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: that is like someone who locks themselves in a vegetarian restaurant and says "it is just upsetting, every time i order something it doesn't have meat!"

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: no kidding, you are not in the right place to get meat!

too_busy: dont get me wrong..there are jewsih women here... by the way...they just arent my type

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: the same thing - if you are not meeting the right Jewish girl and you live in a place where there aren't many Jewish girls, what do you expect!!!!

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: yes there is food in a vegitarian restauraunt as well, just not the meat type!

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: i understand you can't just leave for a long time... however, listen to this for a moment...

too_busy: ok

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: 1) don't say you are not attracted to Jewish girls. It is wrong! You are! Just not to the few you have seen. 2) Once you realize that, and realize that you might have to look outside your "local box" there are many things you can do. 3)... such as looking for a girl online on a Jewish singles website. 4) Once you find someone you might like you can take off for a weekend and meet in person, or fly her down to meet you!

too_busy: i see

too_busy: thanks

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: so don't feel so bad, and know that there is a beautiful Jewish girl waiting for you out there - take advantage of modern techonolgy and travel and go find her :-)

All names, places, and identifying information have been changed or deleted in order to protect the privacy of the questioners. In order to preserve authenticity, the chat sessions have been posted with a minimum of editing. Please excuse typographical errors, missing punctuation, and/or grammatical mistakes which naturally occur in the course of informal chat sessions.


Please email me when new comments are posted (you must be  logged in).


RE: Not attracted to Jewish women

Posted by: Vicki Feinerman, Petach Tikva, Israel on Feb 06, 2006

While attraction is important, keep in mind that people get older, more wrinkled, and their waistlines grow wider. No one stays physically "beautiful" forever.

Surprisingly, this inevitability does not spell the end of attraction to your spouse. When there is love, attraction gradually changes: you see only the physical features you find appealing. For example, I married a thin man with hair. That same man is now bald and overweight, but I honestly don't see anything other than my knight in shining armor with the sparkling eyes and the laughing dimple, (unless I specifically think about how he's changed, such as when looking at a photot album).

My point is, since people's physical appearance changes anyway, and since love does indeed make you blind to physical faults, a few attractive features is enough. It is probably best to look for a mate who makes your heart sing, rather than one who makes your mouth drool.


Life Cycle » Marriage » Courting
Jewish Identity » Non-Jews » Intermarriage
Life Cycle » Marriage » Intermarriage