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How should we react to our daughter having a non-Jewish boyfriend?

by Rabbi Yosef Loschak

  

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a) Arm yourself with information. Please go to our knowledgebase and type in the word intermarriage. You will see many articles on this topic.

b) Get the book "Why Marry Jewish" by Doron Kornbluth. It is an amazing book. It is available online by its publisher, www.targum.com1

c) She must be made aware that you do not condone this relationship. This must be done in a non-confrontational manner. Hopefully after taking steps (a) and (b), you will be sufficiently informed to rationally explain the reasons why you object to the relationship.

Never, never, cut off the lines of communication; they are your best hope for influencing her decisions
d) It is vital not to act rude or inappropriately. Such behavior will only strengthen your daughter's belief that you are old-fashioned and clueless. Never, never, cut off the lines of communication; they are your best hope for influencing her decisions.

e) Pray -- because this is not easy. With G-d's help your daughter will make the correct decision.

f) Bring more Judaism into your personal lives and around the home. The more meaningful and relevant Judaism is to your child’s life, the more likely s/he is to seek a partner who cares for it too. This is effective even after a child is already dating, but even more so before a child reaches the dating age.

Footnotes

  • 1. Another very good book is 'Dear Rabbi, Why Can't I Marry Her?' by Rabbi Eliezer Shemtov. This book includes two actual e-mail dialogues on the subject of intermarriage.

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COMMENTS

Intermarriage

Posted by: Gary, Carlsbad, CA on Apr 13, 2009

When I was youunger I became disillussioned with Jews and Judaism. It seemed Jews were overly materialistic and so at the age of 42 when I sought a wife I selected one who was not Jewish. We were not going to have children so I did not worry about not perpetuatingthe race. As long as I remained non-religious everything was okay. In the last few years I decided to return to being a prracticing Jew. This caused problems.

My wife does not understand our customs and traditions. She feels things like having a restricted diet at Passover restricts her. We have no common holidays. If there had been children it would be worse. Life is long, Baruch Hashem; people change; do not make mistakes which you will pay for later.


RELATED CATEGORIES

Jewish Identity » Non-Jews » Intermarriage
Life Cycle » Marriage » Intermarriage

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