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Teenage girls and boys


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Rabbi Shlomo Chein: Welcome. I'll be with you in a moment...what's on your mind?

perplexed: Hi. my friend's family is really popular so there are always teenage boys around her house. Her parents believe it's okay for her to hang with them, regardless of what is going on. Do u think it's okay for me to hang out with them, because like most teens i have an urge to be intimate with members of the opposite gender, and this is a safe, very controlled way to do so?

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: what she does is really up to her parents. However, if you are asking me what YOU should do, I would tell you to avoid those situations, especially since you are smart and honest enough to be truthful and admit that your attraction goes beyond friendship into the shady world of teenage intimacy

perplexed: Where can I channel any desire I have to be intimate with boys? And what is the purpose of a desire like this if it should only be repressed?

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: use the desire for attraction and love to do acts of kindness - channel that compasion and yearning for friendship towards people who are in need of a friend, or in need of other support or love.

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: As for what is its use if it has to be repressed: 1) It can be used for the above. 2) It is not repressed for ever, it is just put in reserve for the one special boy you will marry. Then it will all come pouring out just for him, instead of having it wasted on others before him

perplexed: another "purpose" question. what is the purpose of physical beauty?

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: beauty has many levels, namely bringing joy. However beauty also has many meanings - namely outer beauty, or superficial beauty, and inner beauty,

perplexed: bringing joy to whom? and everything has a purpose, so what is the purpose of "superficial " beauty. As far as i can see, it's only a stumbling block.

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: 1) Bring joy to whom? Depends on what beauty, where and when. 2) superficial beauty can also bring joy when it comes together with inner beauty

perplexed: So let's say girls in my class who are stunning, at my stage in life (10th grade), what is the purpose to their looks?

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: 1) Their beauty can bring joy to others right now - their parent can have joy from it; 2) they can go to an old age home and speak to the old people there, and the old people will have such nachas from seeing such beautiful Yidishe Kinder [Jewish children] doing such beautiful things etc. 3) The beauty is also there so that LATER they will share it with their husbands

perplexed: Thanx. Next question: Is it ok to have a crush on a boy and fantasize about a future with him, if i didn't do anything about it (like try to build a relationship)

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: you shouldn't invest energy and feelings into a boy just yet. If you happen to see a boy and think for a moment you would like to marry him, or better - someone like him, that is ok. But to keep that thought going on in your mind, is not good.

All names, places, and identifying information have been changed or deleted in order to protect the privacy of the questioners. In order to preserve authenticity, the chat sessions have been posted with a minimum of editing. Please excuse typographical errors, missing punctuation, and/or grammatical mistakes which naturally occur in the course of informal chat sessions.


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Intimacy » Sexual Issues
Daily Life » Clothing » Modesty