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Disclosing sexual history to the groom and/or officiating rabbi

  

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Rabbi Yosef Loschak: Welcome. I'll be with you in a moment...what's on your mind

Miriam: I am a baalat Teshuvah1 and had sex before i became religious, do i have to disclose this information to the person i plan to marry?

Miriam: i am currently dating someone very seriously and we plan to get engaged after he meets my parents

Rabbi Yosef Loschak: The first question that needs to be answered is, is he a Kohen?

Miriam: no

Rabbi Yosef Loschak: And does he no that you were not always religious?

Miriam: yes

Miriam: he has also said that my life before i was religious doesn't matter to him

Rabbi Yosef Loschak: Then my guess is that he already knows

Miriam: my other concern is the Ketubah. i heard that they come with the phrase virgin in it

Miriam: since i am not one, do i need a special ketubah? and if so, then this is a give away to anyone who sees it

Miriam: i would rather keep that private :)

Rabbi Yosef Loschak: Yes, that is true. In your case they just leave out that word. The whole thing is in Aramaic and no one really is paying too close attention to it anyway. I would not worry about it at all

Miriam: so who do i tell to leave it out?

Miriam: his father is a rabbi. i am sure he will notice

Rabbi Yosef Loschak: G-d willing, before the joyous event the Rabbi will discreetly ask. Believe me, it happens all the time... Believe me, no one was born yesterday, even his father the Rabbi. I would imagine that he also understands the situation considering that he also knows that you weren't religous... 

Miriam: ok. thank you.

Rabbi Yosef Loschak: Really, don't worry

Miriam: thanks. goodnight

All names, places, and identifying information have been changed or deleted in order to protect the privacy of the questioners. In order to preserve authenticity, the chat sessions have been posted with a minimum of editing. Please excuse typographical errors, missing punctuation, and/or grammatical mistakes which naturally occur in the course of informal chat sessions.

Footnotes

  • 1. "Returnee" to traditional Torah-Judaism.

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RELATED CATEGORIES

Life Cycle » Marriage » The Wedding
Teshuvah
Repentance. Or, more literally, "return" to G-d. Teshuvah involves regretting the past and making a firm resolution not to repeat the offense.
Ketubah
The wedding contract which features the husband’s various obligations to his wife. The focal point of the document is the financial compensation due to the wife in the event of the marriage’s dissolution through divorce or widowhood.
G-d
It is forbidden to erase or deface the name of G-d. It is therefore customary to insert a dash in middle of G-d's name, allowing us to erase or discard the paper it is written on if necessary.