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How do I control my desire to masturbate?

  

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Rabbi Shlomo Chein: Welcome. I'll be with you in a moment...what's on your mind?

PloniAlmoni: hi, sorry I was speaking to another rabbi and got disconnected

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: sorry... he is not on any longer, would you like to chat with me?

PloniAlmoni: basically we had a conversation about masturbation on my part and about how to stop that

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: the Kotzker Rebbe once told his students: "I don't expect you not to sin because you don't want to; I expect you not to sin because you don't have time to"

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: keep your mind busy with holy thoughts so that you don't have time to think of anything unholy.

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: Don't read magazines, newspapers, watch movies etc that have images of immodest things which will get your mind working in the wrong direction. Rather read holy books, and go to sleep reading such books

PloniAlmoni: I try not do do the untzniut [Ed. note: immodest] things (i.e. movies, newspapers - other than news, magazines, etc.)

PloniAlmoni: I don't watch TV - it's bitul zman [waste of time] by my standards

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: well even news magazines can have stories, and worse yet images, that can lead the mind to think imodestly

PloniAlmoni: I see what you're saying, though I'm on that path already. Helps, but not always. There are lapses.

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: there are no gaurantees in life - as long as we live there will constantly be a challenge and we must remian strong and be on guard

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: and if you still have time for these thoughts or deeds, get busier with holy stuff so you won't have time


Rabbi Shlomo Chein: Involve yourself in intense projects that will tire you physically, and keep your mind busy constantly.


Rabbi Shlomo Chein: When you are heavily involved in a hobby, a sport, an academic or hands-on project, your mind will constantly be busy with the subject at hand, and it won't have time to think about "foreign" immodest thoughts. And if that project is Torah related your mind will be busy and sanctified at the same time, all the more removing it from impure thoughts.

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: Another quick practical solution is to sleep with your door open.

PloniAlmoni: will try to...

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: ok

PloniAlmoni: thanks, have a nice day.

Rabbi Shlomo Chein: all the best - stay strong, G-d is there to help


[Ed. note: Also read "Where does the Torah say masturbation is a sin?"]

All names, places, and identifying information have been changed or deleted in order to protect the privacy of the questioners. In order to preserve authenticity, the chat sessions have been posted with a minimum of editing. Please excuse typographical errors, missing punctuation, and/or grammatical mistakes which naturally occur in the course of informal chat sessions.

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COMMENTS

The Most Important Thing...

Posted by: Gabriel on Oct 17, 2006

The easiest way of overcoming this huge hurdle is knowing that you can.

Hashem created the yetzer harah, and he would not have presented you with this challenge if He knew in His infinate wisdom that you couldn't overcome it.

The fact that you have this test prooves that you can overcome it.

With the certainty in mind that you can overcome it, you will eventually (despite possible serveral falls in the process) overcome it.

And so it was with me...

Helpful Thoughts

Posted by: Anonymous, New York, NY on Jun 24, 2007

Maimonides writes, "It is forbidden to expel seed in vain...It is also forbidden for a man to intentionally cause himself an erection or immoral thoughts. Rather, if an immoral thought comes to him, he should remove his thoughts from nonsense to the Torah, which is [deserving of love]." (Laws of forbidden relationships, 21:18-19) A Talmudic rabbi named Amram once had the opportunity to cohabit with a captive woman on the second floor of his house. As he was climbing the ladder, he stopped himself and yelled, "There is a fire in Amram's house!" The neighbors came. Amram explained to them, "It is better for Amram to be embarrassed in this world than to be embarrassed in the next world." (Kiddushin 81a) Lessons: (1) Think about God and the Torah. (2) Try to imagine that other people are watching what you do. That said, no strategy guarantees success. I struggle with this problem.
Torah
Torah is G–d’s teaching to man. In general terms, we refer to the Five Books of Moses as “The Torah.” But in truth, all Jewish beliefs and laws are part of the Torah.
Rebbe
A Chassidic master. A saintly person who inspires followers to increase their spiritual awareness.
G-d
It is forbidden to erase or deface the name of G-d. It is therefore customary to insert a dash in middle of G-d's name, allowing us to erase or discard the paper it is written on if necessary.