King David epitomized this humility. When chastised by his wife Michal for seeming to demean the office of the king by publicly dancing before the Ark of the Covenant, he said, "I am [and shall always remain] lowly in my own eyes" (Samuel 2 6:22).

One's essential shame before G-d is that the vast majority of his thoughts and sensations in life are void of Divine consciousness. Jewish faith affirms that "there is no space void of Him" (Tikunei Zohar 57 [91b]), "space" meaning not only physical space, but psychological space as well (Sod Hashem Lireiav, ch. 3). Every thought and sensation occupies space in one's consciousness. It is our purpose on earth to fill all such space with the awareness of G-d's omnipresence. When we fail to do this, we stand before G-d as a vessel empty of G-dliness, and therefore full of shame, for just as nature abhors a vacuum, the mind cannot remain empty. If it is not filled with holy thoughts, it will by default be filled with unholy ones.

the very awareness of our own great worth paradoxically makes us painfully aware of how dismally we have betrayed it

This humility was also exemplified by the patriarch Jacob. When he was about to confront his brother Esau after having fled from him for thirty-four years, he prayed to G-d for protection, saying, "I have been humbled by all the loving-kindness and truth which You have done with your servant" (Genesis 32:11). He felt that whatever merits he might have possessed had been more than exhausted by the infinite kindnesses G-d had bestowed upon him already.

The Torah states that this attitude is a dominant trait of the Jewish people: the more goodness they receive, the humbler they become. In Rashi's commentary on the scripture, he explains: "'You are the least of all peoples' (Deuteronomy 7:7) for you [by your very nature] are continually diminishing yourselves, as did Abraham when he said 'For I am dust and ashes' (Genesis 28:27), and as did Moses and Aaron, who said, 'What are we?' (Exodus 16:7)." In contrast, an evil trait is when success and prosperity inflate the ego, since this self-reinforcing conceit convinces one that all his accomplishments and fortune are due to his own efforts or merits (Tanya, Igeret HaKodesh, ch. 2).

Releasing all one's demands on G-d and man while also accepting responsibility for misfortune spare one the pain of being hurt or offended in life. Anger and depression result from the frustration generated by the belief that one really deserves better in this world, and his assumed right to gratification is being infringed. Proper attitudes, in contrast, enable one to be sincerely and continuously happy and optimistic.

The humility we have just described contrasts sharply with the unfortunately common psychological pitfalls of self-deprecation and low self-image. These result from desensitization to spirituality, in which one loses his connection or identity with his Divine soul or allows it to become weakened. The less one identifies with his Divine soul, the more he focuses on his animal nature, which he correctly perceives as a complex labyrinth of base urges and drives. When this happens, a deep, underlying depression underpins his consciousness and inevitably lends a subtle sense of desperation to everyday life; a desperation which may on occasion surface and manifest itself in various ways. The obvious cure for a ruined self-esteem, then, is to simply redouble one's efforts to spiritualize his life and realign his consciousness with his Divine soul.

Anger and depression result from the frustration generated by the belief that one really deserves better in this world, and his assumed right to gratification is being infringed

With regard to marriage: When there is conflict between husband and wife, each should consider themselves the primary cause of the difficulty, as said above. If this does not suffice to resolve the problem, one's next thought should be: "What makes me think that I, by right, deserve to be treated any better than this?" One should remember that everything that is his is an undeserved gift from G-d. This includes one's spouse and children, along with all his material and spiritual possessions.

Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh is a renowned Kabbalist, author and composer. He is the founder of Gal Einai Institute in Israel. His previous article for Farbrengen was "The Antidote to Anger" in December 1998. E-mail: inner@inner.org Web site; www.inner.org