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Repenting for our Mitzvahs

by Rabbi Naftali Silberberg

  

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The story is told of a Chassid who poured out his heart to his colleague: “Will we ever truly repent for our sins?” he moaned. “Our sins?” his friend responded, “about them I’m not concerned; we’ll surely learn to regret our misdeeds. I’m worried about our mitzvahs. When will we repent for our mitzvahs?!”

The exchange between these two Chassidim sounds a bit strange—why is it necessary to do Teshuvah for good deeds? The following story will shed light on the subject.

Every year when the month of Elul arrived, the great Jewish philosopher and sage Saadia Gaon (882-942) would leave his hometown, his family, and his disciples, and would embark on a month-long trip. During this month he would wander the countryside incognito, spending most of the time in the local synagogues where he would study and seclude himself in prayer. The discomfort of traveling brings atonement, and self-imposed exile as a form of penance was fairly common in times past. 

Saadia Gaon’s students were mystified by his behavior. “Rebbe,” they would ask, “you are a righteous man who does not sin, and you have surely repented many times over for any of your youthful indiscretions. Why, then, do you annually subject yourself to a rigorous month of exile? What are you repenting for?”

When we repent for our wrongdoings of the past year, we should also include the time when we prayed... but without the proper focus and concentration. The charity we gave to a poor person... but with a grimace...
“I will answer your question,” said Saadia Gaon, “by relating an incident which occurred during one of my Elul exiles.
“On one of my trips I was hosted by a wonderful Jewish innkeeper. This kind person treated all his visitors like royalty, and I was no exception. He made sure that I had enough to eat and drink, that my room was tidy, and my bed was comfortable. I remained in this inn for several days, and just as I was about to depart the village, apparently someone recognized me and the word quickly spread that Saadia Gaon was in town. Thus, as I was leaving, a large crowd gathered to bid me farewell.

“Suddenly, I saw the innkeeper fighting his way through the throngs. When he reached me I saw that tears were pouring down his distraught face. ‘Rebbe,’ he sobbed, ‘please forgive me!’

“‘Forgive you?’ I incredulously asked. ‘For what? You couldn’t have been kinder to me!’

“‘But, Rebbe... If I had only known who you really were... I would have treated you so much better!’”

Saadia Gaon concluded by saying, “every day we study more Torah and we gain a new understanding and a new appreciation for the Creator. Every day we must repent for the way we treated G-d yesterday. Yes, we were kind to the A-mighty yesterday, but if we would have known Him yesterday like we know Him today...”

When considering the bygone year, our sins against G-d and our fellow man are glaring, and beg for our attention. But when we repent for our wrongdoings of the past year, we should also include the time when we prayed... but without the proper focus and concentration. The charity we gave to a poor person... but with a grimace. The Shabbat we observed ... but without enthusiasm.

And as we commit ourselves to improving our good deeds, G-d will reciprocate and “improve” His good deeds towards us, and we will all be blessed with a wonderful year, and bountiful health, wealth and nachas from our children. 


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RELATED CATEGORIES

Holidays » Yom Kippur » Repentance
Holidays » Rosh Hashanah » Essays
Shabbat
(pl: Shabbatot). Hebrew word meaning "rest." It is a Biblical commandment to sanctify and rest on Saturday, the seventh day of the week. This commemorates the fact that after creating the world in six days, G-d rested on the seventh.
Torah
Torah is G–d’s teaching to man. In general terms, we refer to the Five Books of Moses as “The Torah.” But in truth, all Jewish beliefs and laws are part of the Torah.
Teshuvah
Repentance. Or, more literally, "return" to G-d. Teshuvah involves regretting the past and making a firm resolution not to repeat the offense.
Chassid
(Pl.: Chassidim; Adj.: Chassidic) A follower of the teachings of Rabbi Israel Baal Shem Tov (1698-1760), the founder of "Chassidut." Chassidut emphasizes serving G-d with sincerity and joy, and the importance of connecting to a Rebbe (saintly mentor).
Chassidim
(Pl.: Chassidim; Adj.: Chassidic) Following the teachings of Rabbi Israel Baal Shem Tov (1698-1760), the founder of "Chassidut." Chassidut emphasizes serving G-d with sincerity and joy, and the importance of connecting to a Rebbe (saintly mentor).
Rebbe
A Chassidic master. A saintly person who inspires followers to increase their spiritual awareness.
Elul
The 6th month on the Jewish calendar, normally corresponding to August-September. This is the month which precedes Tishrei, the month of the High Holidays, and is a month of introspection and repentance.
G-d
It is forbidden to erase or deface the name of G-d. It is therefore customary to insert a dash in middle of G-d's name, allowing us to erase or discard the paper it is written on if necessary.