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wannabegood: I'd like to know: If I'm not a religious Jew, what is wrong if I marry a non-Jew?
Dr. Silberstein: Husband and wife share a spiritual purpose. By marrying a non-Jew, you cut yourself off from ever expressing or experiencing this shared purpose.
wannabegood: Can you explain that?
wannabegood: Do I deny my love for a girl, saying it doesn't exist, merely because she isn't Jewish?
Dr. Silberstein: Judaism does not believe that everyone must be Jewish. Each soul has its own mission, and your soul is connected to G-d through Judaism.
Dr. Silberstein: It is possible for a non-Jew to decide to accept the mandate of Judaism, which means observance of all the commandments... but meaningless to convert if one does not have the compelling desire to take on that responsibility. This is something that a person does for themselves, not for marriage or for someone else.
wannabegood: Why does it all matter? I don't feel my soul, I don't feel connected to G-d by way of Judaism, so what's the difference... I didn't ask to be born Jewish... now all it does is limits me, telling me I shouldn't marry a girl I really love just because she was born into the wrong family?
You are creating a marriage that includes a chasm that may grow vast over time
wannabegood: Like when?
Dr. Silberstein: There is nothing so sad as when I chat to someone online who is married to a non-Jew who was discovered that their Judaism means a lot to them for the first time in their life... but the person is married to someone who is not Jewish... has children who are not Jewish... this creates an impossible choice... either "divorcing" one's family, causing them great pain through no fault of their own, or continuing to deny their essence; something which causes the individual much pain.
wannabegood: It doesn't bother me to have a Christmas tree and a Chanukah Menorah in my house. We can all live in harmony. I've seen it done...
wannabegood: Isn't this an impossible choice; giving up the girl I love because of something that means so little to me?
Dr. Silberstein: Yes, at this point in your life, religion not being a very active force, it is very likely that you are not disturbed at the notion of having both a tree and a menorah at home. But marriage is a lifetime commitment. And priorities can shift over life. You are creating a marriage that includes a chasm that may grow vast over time.
wannabegood: So are we just so supposed to pretend that our love for each other doesn't exist?
Dr. Silberstein: There is no denying that the love exists. I think you face a very difficult choice now. It is not easy to recognize that sometimes love dictates taking different paths, to avoid causing pain to each other in the future. No one wants that what started in love should result in strife.
Dr. Silberstein: Best of luck to you.
Dr. Silberstein: I look forward to chatting with you again.
Dr. Silberstein: Bye now.
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Editor's Comment
It is difficult to intellectually debate an emotional argument. You have not responded to any of the ideas stated by Dr. Silberstein, you merely use the word "discrimination" to attack.
Am I discriminatory if I choose to marry someone who shares my ideals and views on life? Am I discriminatory if I choose a spouse whose lifestyle is similar to mine? Discrimination is believing that someone else is beneath you because of their race or religion. On the other hand, understanding that people of different religions lead different lifestyles, and therefore should choose compatible spouses in order to establish spiritually harmonious households is not discrimination.
Life Cycle » Marriage » Intermarriage
