I don't claim to be any major maven on woman's fashion, but from what I could see the pile of clothing looked great. Any girl would dream to be given so many new skirts, shirts, jackets and suits.

So you could imagine my shock when I heard this sweet little teenager's response to her fathers loving and generous gesture.

"Abba, what?! You're expecting me to wear this? This is probably from the end of the season. This is the stuff you couldn't sell. I need money so I can go out and buy something 'normal.'"

I was so affected by the ingratitude that I saw. I was really upset for my friend for his honor and his relationship with his daughter.

Later that evening, while sitting at the dinner table, one of my children mentioned an issue they were having at school. Being the good father, and being that my occupation calls for me to give advice to all those who step into my office and ask for it, I gave my child sound advice, identical to what I would tell anyone else in the same situation. Lo and behold, my child said to me, "Totty, how could you even SAY that to me. You're giving me the same advice as everyone else. What do you think? I'm one of your clients?"

In fact, there's an old Yiddish saying: "Der Shister's kinder gayin un shich." "The shoemaker's children walk around without shoes."

Here I sit in my office many hours a day listening to people and giving them advice on many different subjects - sound advice from the comments and reactions that come back to me - and like my friend the clothing store proprietor, my own child kindly gave my 'merchandise' back at me.

I would like to offer a different interpretation for this saying. The shoemaker DID in fact make shoes for his children and he did bring them home for his children to wear, but when they saw the shoes that their father brought home the children said, "This is what you brought for ME? Your child? You're giving these to me probably because you couldn't sell it. I'm not wearing these shoes."

After opening my eyes to this phenomenon of people not appreciating the gifts and skills of those nearest and dearest to them, I saw so many instances of it that my head began to spin.

I watched the wife who hired a plumber because she didn't trust her husband - a highly skilled much in demand plumber. The husband who bought the cake because he didn't think his wife could make something nice enough for his needs - and her cakes are sought all over the city. I heard the parents hire an expert to give them advice on which house to buy - when their own son was a multi-millionaire real estate mogul. In each of these cases the experienced person was willing to give of themselves to their loved ones, but somehow their expertise and advice wasn't good enough.

Which leaves us with the question: Do we appreciate the gifts our parents, spouse and children have?

Shea is chairman of the board of NCFJE ( National Committee for the Furtherance of Jewish Education). He is a Rabbi and activist in the Jewish community. He can be reached at rabbishea@aol.com