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Taking Monotony Out of Monogamy



Library » Life Cycle » Marriage » Married Life | Subscribe | What is RSS?


What is as holy as Yom Kippur, more spiritual than meditating ,and the best thing you can do for your love life?

You may not believe it, but the answer is THE Mikvah - the ancient Jewish method guiding the intimate relationship between husband and wife.

Is there love after marriage? Is it realistically possible to maintain the excitement and passion in a one-partner relationship for more than a few years? How did the Jews acquire a reputation for warm, secure, loving families that for generations enjoyed an enviable longevity?

One of the most formidable challenges to the modern marriage is the tediousness of routine. Keeping the monotony out of monogamy is not easy - which explains why so many men can't commit - ("You mean only one partner for the rest of my life!"). No matter how adventurous your honeymoon, sooner or later boredon is bound to set in.

Eventually, inevitably, we start taking each other for granted. Then we go looking for excitement elsewhere and before long it's downhill to the divorce courts. As for the many who stick together grinning and bearing it, all too often they end up living, in the words of Thoreau, "lives of quiet desperation."

Keeping the monotony out of monogamy is not easy - which explains why so many men can't commit
It comes as a surprise to most to learn that long before Masters and Johnson, Dr. Ruth and Co., the Jewish ancients were promoting a Divine plan of quality control in marriage, which take proactive measures to prevent boredom from eating away at a good marriage.

In a nutshell, the Mikvah method, or Family Sanctity, works like this: At the time of month when a woman expects her period, she separates from any form of physical intimacy with her husband. At the conclusion of her period, she counts seven days and then visits the Mikvah for spiritual sanctification.

The Mikvah is a clean, warm pool of water in very pleasant, private surroundings and is constructed according to rigorous Halachic/legal standards. Following this total immersion, she and her husband resume their intimate relationship.

The Sages of the Talmud put it thus: Why did the Torah wish for a wife to be separated from her husband for seven days? To make her as desirable to him forever as on the day they wed. (Talmud Niddah, 31b)

Today's therapists are advising couples to "schedule time for romance". But ours it the rat race generation. Often both partners have demanding careers, professions or business commitments. (How about Thursday the 18th? Are you available?).

With the Mikvah system, there is a full week's advance notice of when intimacy will be resumed. Mikvah night thus becomes that pre-scheduled time for romance when all other commitments are rescheduled. Husband and wife have both been counting the days, waiting for each other, eagerly anticipating the moment of reunion. Libidos are in alignment and passions are reignited as couples enjoy a magical evening together.

Scientific research confirms that love is a vital ingredient in lust. For humans, intimacy is not quantity driven as in the animal kingdom, but quality driven. If there is little quality in the relationship, if intimacy is not the climax of an emotional bonding, there can be little satisfaction. There is no afterglow; no feeling of being loved and we are left emotionally empty, still hungering for the warmth and security we craved.


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Life Cycle » Marriage » Family Purity » The Benefits

(pl. Mitzvot). A commandment from G-d. Mitzvah also means a connection, for a Jew connects with G–d through fulfilling His commandments.
(pl: Shabbatot). Hebrew word meaning "rest." It is a Biblical commandment to sanctify and rest on Saturday, the seventh day of the week. This commemorates the fact that after creating the world in six days, G-d rested on the seventh.
Torah is G–d’s teaching to man. In general terms, we refer to the Five Books of Moses as “The Torah.” But in truth, all Jewish beliefs and laws are part of the Torah.
Usually referring to the Babylonian edition, it is a compilation of Rabbinic law, commentary and analysis compiled over a 600 year period (200 BCE - 427 CE). Talmudic verse serves as the bedrock of all classic and modern-day Torah-Jewish literature.
Pertaining to Jewish Law.
Yom Kippur
Day of Atonement. This late-autumn high-holiday is the holiest day of the year. We devote this day to repentance and all healthy adults are required to fast.
A ritual bath where one immerses to become spiritually pure. After her menstrual cycle, a woman must immerse in the Mikvah before resuming marital relations.
It is forbidden to erase or deface the name of G-d. It is therefore customary to insert a dash in middle of G-d's name, allowing us to erase or discard the paper it is written on if necessary.