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How can I improve and perfect my marriage?

by Mrs. Dinka Kumer


Library » Life Cycle » Marriage » Married Life | Subscribe | What is RSS?


Realizing your spiritual connection with your spouse is the best Kabbalistic tip for improving your joint lives.

Yes, marriage is about a lot of worldly activities, many of them mundane though necessary (why don’t you put your dirty socks in the laundry?), but there needs to be an emphasis on the spiritual. If people marry only in order to have the convenience of being married, for superficial similarities, or for passion, it's only matter of time before things become unglued. A person may be satisfied with his or her marriage for many years, and then become angry or bored, or may decide that the 'institution' of marriage is not so great after all. But if you are not in marriage for 'what you can get out of it', then you are in the right direction.

The focus in a harmonious marriage is the principle belief that one's spouse is an inseparable part of oneself
The focus in a harmonious marriage is the principle belief that one's spouse is an inseparable part of oneself. Your spouse is the other half of your soul. Just as a person would not want to hurt of lose an integral part of his body, so too—and even more so—he would not want to hurt or lose a part of his soul. In realizing this higher reality, a couple can achieve better marital happiness and peace. In knowing that in their home lives one soul—the two reunited halves they share—the whole momentum of the marriage changes.

From this base, a couple works to achieve the joint goal of making their home a dwelling for G-d's Presence to be felt. The Sages wrote that "A man without a wife is merely half a man." If a man or woman lacks their soul's other half, they are incomplete and do not have the same abilities and motivations to achieve the purpose for which they were created – to discover G-dliness hidden in the world.

So, accentuate the spiritual, even in the day to day mundane tasks of married life. Realize the inner aspects of being married. Play down all your expectations and erase the 'score card'. It's all about one soul in two people, living in a diverse world and looking for the one G-d.


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(adj.) Pertaining to Kabbalah—Jewish mysticism.
It is forbidden to erase or deface the name of G-d. It is therefore customary to insert a dash in middle of G-d's name, allowing us to erase or discard the paper it is written on if necessary.