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What procedure is followed by family immediately after a relative dies?

by Rabbi Herschel Finman

  

Library » Life Cycle » Death » Passing On | Subscribe | What is RSS?

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When a loved one dies we feel sorrow and grief. These reactions are both normal and healthy. When death takes a loved one, life seems empty and the future dark. Jews have guidance at sad times in our lives, because tradition has outlined ways to deal with death and its grief.

Care for the Body
Immediately after the passing, the person’s eyes and mouth are closed and the body is covered with a sheet. One is not supposed to gaze at the face of the deceased. The body is laid on the floor with feet facing the door.

While the body is lowered to the floor, the deceased is addressed – using his/her and father’s Jewish name – and those present request forgiveness in the event they do not handle the body with utmost respect and care. While being lowered to the ground it is customary to recite three times “Bait Yaakov lechu venailcha b’or Hashem” (O house of Jacob, come and let us go in the light of the Lord).

A window is opened in the room and candles are lit next to the head of the deceased. In the event that the death occurs on Shabbat, technically the body becomes Muktzeh. However, a rabbi should be consulted if it is necessary to move the body. To preserve the dignity of the deceased, the Sages permitted moving it under certain circumstances and with certain provisions.

The period of time between death and burial is called aninut and the bereaved is called an onan. The prime responsibility of the onan is to arrange the funeral
In the Presence of the Deceased
It is forbidden to eat or smoke in room wherein the deceased is laying. It is also forbidden to recite a blessing, wear Tefillin or have Tzitzit fringes exposed within four cubits (approximately seven feet) of the body. All water found in vessels in the house is poured out (aside for on Shabbat). All mirrors and photos in the home are covered.

Contacts
The Jewish Funeral Home must be contacted ASAP to arrange for proper care of the deceased.  If the death occurs in a hospital, their staff can make this call for you. Many Jewish funeral homes have provisions for picking up the body on Shabbat, as well.

Contact your local rabbi to assist you and to help arrange the funeral. If funeral prearrangements have not been made, you can ease the strain of planning the funeral by having someone, perhaps a close friend or family member, help you make decisions. Jewish tradition prefers having the funeral as soon as possible after death.

Telephone immediate family, close friends and employer or business colleagues.

Halachic Status of the Relatives
The period of time between death and burial is called aninut and the bereaved is called an onan. The prime responsibility of the onan is to arrange the funeral. During this time, an onan is exempt from many positive religious obligations. See What are the obligations and exemptions of an Onan?

Funeral Preparations
Once the funeral time has been set, prepare the obituary. Items to consider including are: age, place of birth, cause of death, occupation, college degrees, memberships in organizations, military service or noteworthy achievements. List survivors in the immediate family. Give the time and place of the funeral.

Suggest where memorial contributions may be made. Flowers are not part of Jewish mourning practice. In the spirit of honoring the memory of the dead by helping the living, suggest in the obituary that donations be directed to an appropriate charity. If flowers are sent, share them with the living by giving them to others.

Choose the pall bearers. Six people who can carry the casket are needed. It is customary not to choose immediate family members.

You will need to discuss the eulogy with the officiating Rabbi. Be open and give as much personal insight as possible. Avoid false or exaggerated praise. Tell the good things enthusiastically; remember to mention what might be best left unsaid.

It is wise to arrange for a house sitter during the funeral.


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Shabbat
(pl: Shabbatot). Hebrew word meaning "rest." It is a Biblical commandment to sanctify and rest on Saturday, the seventh day of the week. This commemorates the fact that after creating the world in six days, G-d rested on the seventh.
Halachic
Pertaining to Jewish Law.
Tefillin
Black leather boxes containing small scrolls with passages of the Bible written on them. Every day, aside for Sabbath and Jewish holidays, the adult Jewish male is required to wrap the Tefillin--by means of black leather straps--around the weaker arm and atop the forehead.
Muktzeh
An object which may not be moved on Shabbat or Jewish holidays, usually because it serves no permissible purpose on these days.
Hashem
"The Name." Out of respect, we do not explicitly mention G-d's name, unless in the course of prayer. Instead, "Hashem" is substituted.
Jacob
Third of the three Patriarchs and father of the Twelve Tribes. Lived most his life in Canaan and died in Egypt in 1505 BCE. Also known by the name of "Israel."
Tzitzit
Literally: the fringes which are attached to four cornered garments, as Biblically mandated. Normally this word refers to a t-shirt sized four cornered garment which contains such fringes, and is usually worn beneath the shirt.
onan
The halachic status of the next of kin to the deceased from the time of passing until after the burial.