Yes, yes, I know You are omnipotent and omnipresent. But that doesn’t help me. That doesn’t answer my question.

In our continuing relationship, it’s come to the point where I really need to know.

When I pray to You, where do I find You? Where exactly are You?

Let’s be perfectly honest. You haven’t answered all my prayers. You haven’t come through on some of the most important areas of my life.

Don’t get me wrong. There is a lot of good happening in my life, and I see Your hand in much, if not all, of it. So let me stop right here and say, “Thank You.” Really. I mean it.

But, there are some biggies out there where I can’t, but need, to see Your goodness. And soon.

When I pray to You, where do I find You? Where exactly are You?

You.

And so one night, lying in bed in this frame of mind, I began to ask: Who are You? Who exactly am I praying to? Who is not answering my prayers?

Sometimes I pray and it’s like You are across the table from me. It’s just me and You. You’re listening. I’m speaking. You’re nodding, but making no commitments. Yet I feel that if I can be urgent enough, convincing enough, desperate enough, You will answer my prayers. Maybe not right now. But soon. Tomorrow maybe, when I wake up. Maybe the next day. But soon.

Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine a point inside my head and focus all my concentration and pray to this point. My attention is like the wide end of a cone and I try to focus and compress all of who I am to the narrow point where I imagine You reside. Are You there?

Really, it’s not that I think You are exactly there, but rather that if I concentrate my being into this point with no distractions, my prayers will reach You better, and You will listen more attentively because of the sincerity of my thoughts, because of my desperation, my desire and my passion. Is this true?

This questioning went on for many nights. Instead of asking for what I wanted, instead of offering my thanks or my complaints, I simply continued to ask: Who are You? Where do You live? How much space do You fill up?

Sometimes I would not even question who You were anymore but simply call You. You! You! You!

Until one night, I don’t know how or why, the point suddenly widened. You were not across from me. You no longer sought my passion and desperation. Nor my pleas and complaints.

You were everywhere, too many places for me to reach at once, for me to contain. Suddenly, I was the point of the cone and You the wide space whose width had no end, or so it seemed.

And in this awareness, this discovery, I spread my arms wide, for there was no place that You were not, and only by spreading my arms, offering myself as I moved slowly from side to side, back and forth, could I hope to find You. Or so it seemed, or so I dreamed.

...the very act of prayer could be the answer to prayer

You. Who is All things. You. Who created and placed Himself within each creation forever to be found by those who search and, yes, question.

And in that moment, as my self and all its requests and needs, complaints and praises, dissolved in the vastness of who You are, I returned to lying on my bed, praying for my health and that of my family, for well-being and peace of mind, for all things large and small. And I no less wanted my prayers to be answered than before.

But I saw that night that this was the answer to my prayers: to be a part of this All, to be one of this One. That the very act of prayer could be the answer to prayer. And that the only real question is: Who are You?

You.

You.

You.

For more infomation on Jay Litvin please go to: http://www.chabad.org/library/article.asp?AID=130334.

Note: Jay Litvin, a leader of the rescue organization Children of Chernobyl and a prolific writer on Jewish topics, passed away on April 15, 2004. He was 60. AskMoses.com mourns this great man's untimely death. <>