Shawn: hello mrs shaffer

Shawn: im in a bit of trouble

Mrs. Shaffer: what's the trouble? :)

Shawn: im not married and got my girlfriend pregnant

Shawn we are both jewish

Mrs. Shaffer: then I suggest you make wedding plans :)

Shawn: eeek. we cant. people will know

Mrs. Shaffer: why not?

Mrs. Shaffer: it's not something that you can hide, exactly....:) 

Shawn: shes 8 weeks pregnant

Mrs. Shaffer: ok...so you can get formally engaged today, and plan your wedding for 4 weeks from now

Shawn: and we are not ready for marraige. we are thibnkng of an abortion

Mrs. Shaffer: that simple? an abortion.....simply snuff out that life...? because you wanted to have a good time?

Shawn: an abortion because we are not married

Mrs. Shaffer: so get married!

Shawn: but we wanted to know that halachics [Ed. note: Jewish laws] of it

Shawn: we dont want to kill, but we heard somewhere that if abortion is done early then no soul

Mrs. Shaffer: no..what you heard is not exactly the case

Mrs. Shaffer: if her life were in danger, or she were going to commit suicide, or something like that... [and a qualified rabbi rules abortion is permitted] then it's better to do an abortion early on....

Shawn: its more the embarresment and the pain for the families

Mrs. Shaffer: that's something that will pass, but the knowledge of having killed a baby because of embarrassment...how will you ever live with that?

Shawn: thats why we wanted to know in advance what the Halachic are as if there is no soul placed in the fetus yet, then its not as bad

Mrs. Shaffer: the soul is already connected to the fetus from conception, but does not complete its entry into the body until birth

Mrs. Shaffer: does that mean t hat if someone thinks she's gaining too much weight and isembarrassed she's allowed to get rid of a 8th month baby??

Mrs. Shaffer: you're trying to find an easy way out...and I understand... but the truth is that you have no justification, none whatsoever, for killing this fetus

Shawn: i dont know what to do

Mrs. Shaffer: this is what you should do. tell her you want to marry her

Shawn: i cant live my life with a baby yet (and with someone im not sure i 100% love)

Mrs. Shaffer: people today make weddings in 3-4-5- weeks' time

Shawn: i know a wedding can bve aranged

Mrs. Shaffer: Shawn...how old are you?

Shawn: im 28

Shawn: but will the baby be a Mamzer?

Mrs. Shaffer: no..the baby will not be a mamzer. it will be a perfectly whole Jewish child :)

Mrs. Shaffer: but it needs its mother and father to be married, otherwise it's simply not fair to this child

Mrs. Shaffer: Shawn...this is what you have to do.....and I know it's going to be difficult

Mrs. Shaffer: you have to start thinking...your own head...you've got to switch lanes

Mrs. Shaffer: you have to stop thinking about how you can undo this, and you have to start thinking along the lines of doing the right thing...it's the rest of your life that will be affected by what you do

Shawn: so even if was conceived out of marraige, will we be known in the eyes of G-d to have made something wrong with this baby

Mrs. Shaffer: no

Shawn: if we do get married, can i do tshuvah for this sin?

Mrs. Shaffer: the only thing you must do now....when you get married....your wife must start going to the Mikvah

Shawn: so the baby must be born after marraige? is that the important part?

Mrs. Shaffer: it certainly would be best for both of you, and for your baby, that she/he be born to married parents :)

Shawn: even if im not sure we are 100% compatible?

Mrs. Shaffer: you know what? :)  you're going to make yourselves 100% compatible :)

Mrs. Shaffer: you will make this decision...to do the right thing...and then you will get to work on creating a home. an atmosphere, a relationship of love, and commitment, and mutual respect, and building towards a future that will be comfortable and peaceful and loving....

Shawn: can we get married in Las Vegas with a rabbi? its the embaressment of friends family knowing

Mrs. Shaffer: sure, there are wonderful rabbis in LV

Shawn: :)

Mrs. Shaffer: look...no one has to know. lots of babies are born early, and it's no one's business

You have to stop thinking about how you can undo this...start thinking along the lines of doing the right thing...it's the rest of your life that will be affected by what you do

Shawn: ok, so basically the way to do it is get married ASAP, and people might just think born early (white lie we can spread)

Shawn: and make sure wife goes mikvah regularly etc etc

Mrs. Shaffer: yup. before you marry....and then after the baby

Shawn: cool. i feel better

Mrs. Shaffer: do you know any rabbis you can speak with ?

Shawn: we planning to go for a holiday to XXXXX in 2 weeks

Mrs. Shaffer: ok...great. call Rabbi XXXXX. he's Chabad...he's warm and welcoming and sensitive and he'll help you

Shawn: ok, will make a note of him

Mrs. Shaffer: or he'll recommend someone equally comfortable

Shawn: will we need to tell him the reason why we want it done quixk? its embarrising, and we dont want him to think badly of us. thats why i dont want a big wedding in first place as we want to do the right thing withoit hurting families

Mrs. Shaffer: it's up to you what you tell him. meet him...see how you feel...you may feel that it would be more helpful to you to tell him, or not...that's really up to you

Shawn: can a wedding be arranged quickly in XXXXX?

Mrs. Shaffer: sure...just a few phone calls

Shawn: ok... i will speak to my girlfriend and call him

Mrs. Shaffer: all the best to you...let me know if I can be of any further help

Shawn: i need to speak to my girlfreind. i cant just decide to get married like that on my own :) need to tell her all your advice

Mrs. Shaffer: call her ...tell her you love her.....you can't live without her...

Mrs. Shaffer: and you want to get married right away :)

Shawn: white lies, but for the best, and to save a life :)

Mrs. Shaffer: indeed :)

Mrs. Shaffer: practice them...they'll come in handy...and one day you'll find, much to your surprise...that they are not lies

Shawn: :) cool

Shwan: thanks and have a good day