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A chat with a teenager who doesn't get enough attention from her parents

  

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Rabbi Gurkow: Welcome to the Rabbi's one on one chat room, how can I help you today?

Chanie: i want to drop religion and become non-orthodox

Rabbi Gurkow: but why?

Chanie: i figure that if i did that my parents sure would think a lot about me for once.

Chanie: my sister become non religious and all my parents did was talk talk talk about her which im sure made her happy so im doing kind of the same thing.

Rabbi Gurkow: its got to be difficult living with parents who seem to not care very much about you

Rabbi Gurkow: is this the only way you feel that you can get their attention?

Chanie: i guess

Chanie: yes and no.. i could get their attention if i went and did drugs, but im not going to do that.

Chanie: and the thing is that i cant even relate to my parents so i dont really want positive attention.. so the only way to get real attention is through "negative" things

Rabbi Gurkow: do you want to punish your parents?

Chanie: no, i dont think so.

Chanie: just i feel like because im the youngest of 8 kids and my other siblings always raised me and now that i live at home with only my brother and my parents and everyone else is married or in seminary or whatever that my parents never got to know me and so they dont know how to give me attention so maybe punish them.. i dont know.. its their fault.

Rabbi Gurkow: you know something funny, I remember having similar feelings

Rabbi Gurkow: my parents sent me to yeshivah when I was young and never got a chance to know me

Rabbi Gurkow: when My mother would say "of course I know you, Im your mother " I would feel that she really never did get her chance to know me

Rabbi Gurkow: and when I was younger , not even much younger, just till several years ago, I would always look to every perceived failing of my parents and blame them for it

Rabbi Gurkow: saying , how can you bring a child into this world and be so uncaring and unloving

Rabbi Gurkow: all the while I never realized that they were not guilty of anything that I was not guilty of myself in my interactions with them with my siblings and with my friends

Rabbi Gurkow: then I had children of my own who are BH growing up and I came to realize that I cannot be there for my children all the time and that sometimes I am tired and need a break, and find myself saying and doing some of the things that my parents did

Rabbi Gurkow: it was then that I realized and understood that we expect our parents to be like Hashem -- always there and never make mistakes

All names, places, and identifying information have been changed or deleted in order to protect the privacy of the questioners. In order to preserve authenticity, the chat sessions have been posted with a minimum of editing. Please excuse typographical errors, missing punctuation, and/or grammatical mistakes which naturally occur in the course of informal chat sessions.

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RELATED CATEGORIES

Life Cycle » Marriage » Family Life

Hashem
"The Name." Out of respect, we do not explicitly mention G-d's name, unless in the course of prayer. Instead, "Hashem" is substituted.
G-d
It is forbidden to erase or deface the name of G-d. It is therefore customary to insert a dash in middle of G-d's name, allowing us to erase or discard the paper it is written on if necessary.