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Premarital Sex: Pleasure without Commitment!


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Mrs. Shaffer: can I help you? :)

Amanda: Hi.

Amanda: My B/F will not sleep with me, he says he may not, why not?

Mrs. Shaffer: Why not? Are you serious?

Amanda: Sure, he will kiss and cuddle but won't bed together, he says the Torah won't allow him to? Is that so?

Amanda: Is there a way we can?

Mrs. Shaffer: Yes, there is.

Amanda: ?

Mrs. Shaffer: Get married :)

Mrs. Shaffer: And...just for his information...he's not allowed to be kissing/cuddling either.

Amanda: :-} Why? We don't wanna get hooked yet...we both have busy lives :-(

Mrs. Shaffer: What do you do?

Amanda: Duty officer in a hotel.

Mrs. Shaffer: What do your duties entail? :)

Amanda: Managing the lounge and accommodation facilities a few times a week -- some nights and some days.

Mrs. Shaffer: can you be more specific? :)

Amanda: With?

Mrs. Shaffer: Like...if I were coming to the hotel...what would your duties be regarding me as a guest?

Amanda: Well, I would arrange for one of my staff to help u out the car, park it, then I would normally prefer to take u to the room myself. Of course at peak times I could only look after one at a time, settle u in, make sure u have everything, etc.

Mrs. Shaffer: Ah...nice :)

Amanda: Can be fun...sometimes!

Mrs. Shaffer: And I'd have to pay for this service...or, I's part of the hotel room price...yes? (I'm sure you've got lots of interesting stories!)

Amanda: Part of the price. We try to please the guests.

Mrs. Shaffer: Ah...okay. So....let's see...I'd really love to come and spend a week at the hotel...I hope it's a nice one....

Mrs. Shaffer: So, if I were to come into the hotel...I can expect all of this service...yes? :)

Amanda: Yes. Generally.

Mrs. Shaffer: Okay...great. So, it'd be a nice room....nice bath/shower...TV....iron....and your services...? Yes?

Amanda: When I'm on duty.

Mrs. Shaffer: And do you have other gym? Pool?

Amanda: Yes.

Mrs. Shaffer: I'm coming for a week...that's great!....and I'll expect to use all of that...

Mrs. Shaffer: The only thing.... just a small detail... of no consequence really, I'm sure.... the only thing is....

Amanda: ?

Mrs. Shaffer: I can't really make a commitment to paying...I've got lots of other things that take up my money, so I'm not really ready, at this time, to make this commitment to paying... that's okay, isn't it? I don't really know when my money'll be available for this....

Amanda: Well, no money no service.

Mrs. Shaffer: Hmm... Why not? I'd really, really love to have this relationship with your hotel and enjoy all of its services.

Amanda: We can't give u all for naught.

Mrs. Shaffer: So what' the big deal about money? Hmm...seems to me like you're saying that this particular service requires a commitment on my part... Yes?

Amanda: Even when my B/F comes in occasionally for an evening, if I give a room we have to pay... My boss can be a tight one! ;-)

Mrs. Shaffer:'s not about your's about those pleasures that belong to us, and those that don't :)

Amanda: What do u mean?

Mrs. Shaffer: It's about everything having an appropriate place:)

Amanda: So?

Mrs. Shaffer: So....much as I'd love to enjoy your hotel...and you'd be happy to have me enjoy it, it can only be a relationship that's a committed one.....I commit to commit to service. Yes?

Amanda: Well, I said that even we have to pay

Amanda: Anyhow, what's the answer to my question?

Mrs. Shaffer: One sec... So our relationship is clear, I'm the customer, you're the hotel.

Amanda: Correct.

Mrs. Shaffer: And I can't say that I enjoy the gym, so let me just enjoy it. It can only be mine when it's rightfully part of a relationship that allows it.

All names, places, and identifying information have been changed or deleted in order to protect the privacy of the questioners. In order to preserve authenticity, the chat sessions have been posted with a minimum of editing. Please excuse typographical errors, missing punctuation, and/or grammatical mistakes which naturally occur in the course of informal chat sessions.


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Great response

Posted by: Jill K. Lerner, Aventura, FL on Aug 14, 2005

One can always be assured of a compassionate, thoughtful, sequential response from Mrs. Shaffer! No matter what the question, she routinely gives it her total dedication. Though occasionally a questioner might seem difficult or appear unable to comprehend the matter at hand, Mrs. Shaffer never dismisses the person. Her patience and concern is exemplary, and I would wish that all of the Ask Moses Scholars would follow her example of extraordinary ability to relate to the individual in the time, context, and nature he or she needs.

Premarital sex

Posted by: Allen Holder, Ithaca, NY, USA on Aug 16, 2005

This is the best answer I've ever got! I like the fact that Mrs. Shaffer is non-judgmental. I like the fact that she's not into wagging a finger. I especially love the fact that she treats the subject with respect and treats the question with respect. This has made me think very differently about how I approach my relationships with women.

Thank you for this site!

Just wonderful!

Posted by: Anonymous, Israel on Oct 19, 2005

Thank you very much for being so patient. I have a very hard question to formulate, now i know who i want to ask.

Yishar Koach!!!

response to quesion and the answer by mrs. shaffer

Posted by: Sarah Ross, San Clemente, CA on Nov 12, 2005

i am not jewish....i am a chrstian.....but i would like to say that mrs. shaffer gave an excellent piece of advice to this girl. i totally agree with everything she says. props!

Pre-marital sex

Posted by: Anonymous on Jan 30, 2006

Or as my momma used to say...why buy the cow when your getting the milk for free!


Intimacy » Sexual Issues
Life Cycle » Marriage » About

Torah is G–d’s teaching to man. In general terms, we refer to the Five Books of Moses as “The Torah.” But in truth, all Jewish beliefs and laws are part of the Torah.
A ritual bath where one immerses to become spiritually pure. After her menstrual cycle, a woman must immerse in the Mikvah before resuming marital relations.
Wedding canopy. Under this canopy, the groom betroths the bride with the customary ring, and the traditional marriage benedictions are recited.